Leaves of fall

I feel restless.

I'm in a rut. My fault really. I seem to have become quite complacent in the last couple of months. Not exactly like me. Now it seems like I have to make my move.

I applied for a job, but it looks like I will lose out to the blond and beautiful. Actually in this case, the brunette and beautiful. I knew well that if it came down to a popularity contest, I would be fighting the tide. Silly me.

Thing is, its a friend of mine as well. Makes it hard to bite the dust this way. I'm actually happy, but also not.

Sigh...
A leaf clings desperately in the fall. Doesn't mean it can stop from falling.

Or can it?

So... How was your day?

Hi there!

How was your day?

Like that, huh? Happy to be here, then?

Me, you ask? Nothing much.

I woke up smashing my alarm clock with the same violent manner that usually accompanies most mornings. It must be the lack of sleep. At least that's my excuse. I've probably spent a fortune on alarm clocks. But I guess that is the price of a few minutes sleep. Which sometimes have that awful tendancy to turn into a couple more. Then fifteen, half an hour and then...

You get the picture.

Amazingly somehow, I get to work without a hitch and on time. Not huffing and puffing, but actually with relative ease. To think that a while ago, I was staring wide-eyed at the clock realising most of it had flown.

Hmm.... early shift today.

Feeling old, feeling young

I woke up today and realised I hadn't shaved. Not that this was different from most days, but before my parents would comment if they thought I was unkept. They pretty much ignored the whoel look.

I guess this prompted me to take look at myself in the mirror.

I sometimes don't even recognise myself. A few weeks back I was in teh Philippines and had a permanent smile on my face. Cheerful and delighted to see the next day. Here I am a few days later and thousands of miles in a different environment. Such a dour look on my face. Pathetic.

I still find myself wondering where do I fit in. There was a time when I knew how I wanted to live my life. Nowadays, that person seems so alien. Is that really so bad? Perhaps to some, it is.

I ended the day studying my college books. I thought I was so over this. Didn't I do enough of this a couple of years back? Apparently not enough. So, here I am, taking up Business and Computer Studies for business. Another three years, another two degrees. Not really a bad prospect. Especially its out of my own pocket and no one elses. It's my choice again.

Perhaps its not so different after all. I mean I did work hard for my scholarships in the past. Now I'm here again. Except now I have to squeeze full-time work and studying two degrees at the same time. Let's not even get into the MA I have to work on in the new year.

There are a few more whiskers to shave off this year than the year before. There are a couple of scars and wrinkles that have only made their presence felt now. The spark of youth has replaced by a small solitary flame within.

I promised God, myself and a woman I love, I would not give up.
I will make them proud.

Time to shave again.

A change of plans

I just came to a realisation.

Who the heck would want to read the same thing over and over again?

Why read this blog and the friendster blog I have, when they have the same content?

A NEW CHALLENGE!

This blog will now be the venue of personal updates on the semblance of existence that I call life.

This way I can write my pointless essays and poems there and then proceed to spout ecven more nonsense relating to me!

Seriously, two venues, two different sets of identities. In some ways, we all play different roles in different stages. It's less of the part we play, but how we play it.